Adult friendships are conditional. And sometimes ephemeral. Threads that bind adults are light and logic driven. By the time we become seasoned adults, we already have well defined circles around us. People in these circles occupy fixed positions and orbit around us at fixed velocities and frequencies. These relationships and interactions are quite predictable, be it dear family or distant relatives or close friends, that make up these concentric circles. Redefining the radius of these circles or adding more members to it does not happen too often. Momentary impulses are not enough to influence this restructuring. A significant sentiment must be triggered to invoke this change.
In adulthood, our hearts are like OYO rooms. We open them up for guests to spend a few days and nights in and send them out once the transactional relationship comes to an end, and get ready to welcome the next guest. They say, “necessity is the mother of invention”. Necessity is also the mother or father of adult friendships. “What is in it for me?” is the fundamental question that arises in every mind, before signing on the dotted line of the friendship agreement. The terms, conditions and clauses in the agreement define the validity and efficacy of these friendships.
A colleague who drops us home everyday, a peer with whom we share lunch on week days, a team mate who notices a dip in our energy and enquires about our wellbeing, a neighbor who drops in to share some goodies and pleasantries, an acquaintance at an event with whom we shared hours co-creating something, can all be allotted membership to the golden circle binding us. Who we choose and how, depends on the intent, intensity and impact of these interactions on our lives and not on the frequency or duration. These individuals ought to be deemed “best friends”, as per my 12 year old’s obiter dictum. But, the adult mind loves to apply stringent filters before choosing the wrists that deserve the friendship band.
For people like me, who deeply value friendships, but failed to create these bonds during childhood, adult friendships are the only glimmer of hope. We mortals are a spec of dust in the universe and spend transient moments on this planet. Yet, we apply such scrutiny and filter criteria to choose friends! Why can’t we just let friendships happen? Why can’t we keep the doors of our heart open? Let strangers flutter in and out at will. Some may choose to stay longer and make the place warmer. Some may stay forever.
I am catching up with a new friend this weekend, someone whom I met at a storytelling workshop last month. Who knows, this may be the start of a soulful, ever lasting friendship?!
This story is inspired by the 100 day storytelling initiative by Your Story Bag. This is my story for day 14/100 of #2023TheStoriedWay
