I judge people. All the time. Based on their looks, words and deeds. I label them and place them in carefully chosen compartments in my head. The good, the bad, the friendly, the hostile, the authoritative, the frugal, the spendthrift, the social, the shy, the mighty, the timid and a million other adjectives serve as labels. This cataloging helps in easy retrieval at a later point in time. I judge new acquaintances and passers by too; people who have no role to play in my life. This, probably, is an obsessive compulsive disorder.
I am elated when a person behaves the way I expect him/her to. This validation gives me the impetus to continue my judgemental experiments with increased rigor. It gives me a sense of triumph to know that, I am able to consistently study people and their psychologies, albeit based on superficial observations and intuitions. I look for patterns in people. Harder the predictability of the pattern, greater the joy in pursuing it. These patterns also help me fit people in to existing categories, eliminating the need to create new.
On the outside, I appear to be a great listener, a keen observer and a warm well wisher. On the inside, I am invariably analyzing people, studying their personalities and framing theses and anti theses about them. I wonder, if it is possible to listen intently, without forming conclusions in the mind. Are we not constantly co-relating what we see or hear to what we know already? Don’t we always look for pre-defined references to comprehend a new thought or a person? How often have we tried to guess the plot and the probable climax, right from the start of a movie, when the titular characters have barely made their presence felt on the screen?
Incorrect judgements don’t hurt me. In fact, I am happy to be proven wrong. Every hypothesis or conclusion that I make is a reflection of my personality and value system. It peels off layers of myself than the subjects of study. I am amused to study myself through the study of others. A deep understanding of my biases and prejudices helps me reflect on my mental model. I dwell on every decision that I make. I dig out preconceived notions and beliefs that bias my decisions. I revisit my conclusions and corollaries when patterns get broken. I strive hard not to let these patterns create stereotypes. I try not to treat people differently based on the labels I have associated them with. In fact, I put exceptional effort to appear unbiased and non judgemental; nervous that the other person may notice the workings of my mind.
Despite my sincere attempts, I have never been able to look at a person objectively, without guessing his/her traits and predicting the course of action that he/she would initiate next. I feel like a magician with a wand, when I predict people’s behavior. It gives me a sense of power and privilege, to know the unknown, to foresee the future, however short lived the moment may be.
I wonder if this is a common trait among introverts. Since we are exposed to fewer people in our lives, the curiosity to know the characteristics of the other human is higher. The fact that, we are often mute spectators in an interaction among individuals, enhances the chances of deeply studying the other parties. What else can one do when one doesn’t have much to contribute to the conversations? Silently observe the proceedings and the people who are part of it. It is a harmless activity. Since we don’t pronounce our judgements, these thoughts remain invisible within our inner sanctum.
I believe, introverts are constantly training their mental models to predict patterns of people around them, effectively and efficiently. When artificial intelligence algorithms and machine learning models are built to do advanced research of this kind, is it wrong for a humble human to do the same within the secret reserves of her mind?
