I was born and raised in an era where this fad of “parenting” did not exist. Kids grew up on their own, much like flora in the forest. No special care or seasoning was administered to mold them and convert them into flawless, finished goods. Children were given access to education within the boundaries of the school system and the mantra of education was supposed to take care of them for the rest of their lives. Kids were treated as kids and not as fragile objects handled with utmost care and preserved in glossy glass cases, until they were ready to face the world. Teachers did discipline children, when they failed to meet expectations. These disciplinary actions included reprimands and punishments ranging from spanking, writing impositions, kneeling down outside the class, sprinting across the school playground and standing up on the bench. This was the normal of the 1980s and 90s.
In the world of today, raising kids is considered an art and a science. Parents opt for special coaching for the child and for themselves, to learn the nuances of parenting. Here is a sneak peek into the realm of an Indian parent, in the 21st century.
- First and foremost, getting admissions into schools in India, especially the southern regions of India, is like landing a rover on the moon. An excruciating and near impossible feat. One has to start planning for it even before one plans to start a family; and stand in line outside the school with birth certificate in hand, once the baby steps in to the world. Not to forget the countless number of Facebook groups that one has to be part of, to be enlightened about schools and their ways. Mark Zuckerberg has a significant role to play in shaping the future of our young ones.
- “Securing a seat at the table” is just the first step; an entry into the long winding labyrinth that determines the parent’s and the kids’ future. Be ready to repeat your academic pursuits as you (unlearn and) relearn the concepts of algebra, trigonometry, photosynthesis, cell structures of single celled organisms, combustion, diffusion, hyperbole, onomatopoeia, latitudes, longitudes, sepoy mutiny and the great baths of Mohenjo-Daro. Who do you think is going to work on all the big budget projects on these subjects, that are sent home every other week?
- Schools of today have also been bitten by the DEI bug. They ensure every cultural event and festival in the country is celebrated with pride and pomp. India being a culturally diverse nation adds on to the travails of a parent; it is the petrified parent who has to procure sprightly costumes, “ethnic wear” as it is fondly called, dress up the kids, prepare them for glorious speeches on cultural etiquette or about prominent personalities, cook regional favorite dishes and worse, teach them dance moves, to demonstrate one’s cultural roots. Quite often, one realizes the night before the “cultural day” that the kid has grown 5 inches taller and broader, and can no longer fit into the costume procured with great foresight and due diligence, at the start of the year.
- The worst nightmare of an Indian parent is to attend a parent teachers meeting (PTM). Our world freezes the day a PTM invite lands in the inbox. Not only are these events scheduled at inconvenient time slots, with an assumption that either or both the parents are idling at home, they are also designed to make the parent feel like a villain in the lives of their kids. My kid’s class teacher often plants this thought in my mind, while describing her conduct at school, if she and I are talking about the same human. After a grueling session of facts and feedback about the kid, one is expected to fill a laborious form, admitting to the omnipotence of the school. Back in my academic days, my parents seldom got opportunities to set eyes on my teachers, other than the serendipitous meets at supermarkets or grocery stores. These two species were always kept apart by cosmic forces, in the 1990s.
- Schools aren’t the only challenges in the life of a millennial parent. Birthday celebrations are a bigger peril. For the uninitiated, themed birthday parties are the biggest trend, these days. Showcasing the offspring’s fondness for Barbie, Batman, Hulk, Elsa or Chhota Bheem (shudder) has become the mandate to be certified as the parent-par-excellence today. Something that baffles me about birthday celebrations of this era, is the ritual of giving return gifts. If each party keeps receiving and giving gifts in return, how will this vicious cycle end? Who will break this chain of endless gifting?
Parents in the 21st century also play the role of alarm clocks, constantly ringing the bell in their kids’ heads, reminding them of homework, unit tests and revision worksheets, in addition to the usual notifications to brush their teeth, finish their food and to catch the school bus on time. I often wonder, if I gave birth to a snail and not a human.
Kids today have unlimited access to the world wide web and unparalleled intelligence to operate any fancy gadget/technology. They don’t consume any advice thrown at them, without satisfactory reasoning. They always “start with why”, following the footsteps of Simon Sinek and go on to perform a complex 5-why analysis on the good-willed advisory from the parent. Why follow instructions from mom, when uncle Google is much more sensible and interesting?! Conversations with AI bots are more appealing than with an ever-scrutinizing parent. “Alexa, how are you doing today?”, quips my daughter, when she is done dealing with the humans at home.
Parenting in the new age is definitely far more demanding and draining. But, it has also opened doors to new ideas and perspectives. It has enabled us to slow down and seize the moments. We are able to fuss less and know more about ourselves as a parent. We have learnt more from our children than from our scholastic years. Parenting is a lifelong journey of research and development; one that is filled with joy, fun, suspense and excitement.
Note: I have penned this post based on my intimate experience in raising a pre-teen and the collective experiences of parents around me. Parenting teenagers is a different story altogether and warrants a separate post. More on that, in a future edition of my parenting journal.
